Let me warn my readers that this blog possibly contains TMI (too much information)
Do you remember that scene in the move, “The Family Man,” where Nicolas Cage’s character, Jack Campbell is laying in bed watching TV and Tea Leoni, as Kate, comes running into the room ripping off her clothes and the conversation runs like this:
Kate: The kids are asleep.
Jack: The kids, hon. Honey.
Kate: Sweetheart, I said the kids are asleep.
Jack: That’s just great. Those little monkeys can be a real handful.
(Kate grabs the TV remote and turns off the TV)
Jack: Hey, I was watching that.
Kate: Not tonight.
Jack: Please leavemy socks alone. Wait. You want me…?
Kate: That is the general idea, yeah.
Jack: Oh, well, maybe we should grab a bottle of wine first. Kind of break the ice.
That, my friends, is the sex life of a married couple with kids, in a nutshell. Let me explain.
When you’re dating, you have that whole, unsure of yourself and each other thing going, and it can be kinda hot. You find out what the other likes, what they don’t like. Then as you date and/or move into early marriage, you sorta find this rhythm and it works for you as long as you are able to mix it up a bit. Personally, I found that the job I held when I first got married, which required a good bit of out-of-town travel, worked out really well. I wasn’t gone long or too often, but just enough…
Anyway, that all changes once you have kids. First off, there’s the “cooling off” period, post-baby where mom is recovering and where normal people are smart enough not to tempt fate by trying to have “relations.” Then, if mom is breastfeeding, or even pumping, that introduces a whole ‘nuther chapter of unsavory conduct into the mix. I mean, who finds that sexy? I’m sure the last thing most women want to do after pumping is jump into bed.
But we’re just talking about personal issues here, now let’s bring the kids into the mix. One kid doesn’t make a whole lotta difference because they take lots of naps and there’s personal time to be had; but then, have two children and you might as well just call the game off due to a rain delay and catch the first bus home because there ain’t no playin’ gonna be happenin now. Nossir!
But then, let’s say you DO find some quiet time. It’s a fluke-a rare occasion-and not one to look a gift-horse in the mouth, you try to capitalize on the situation. Trust me, after several months, it’s like “the first time” all over again. That rhythm that you had previously is gone, but unfortunately, that “newness” is gone too. So, it’s like getting behind the wheel of a car you really like and haven’t driven in a while. The clutch is a little sticky and maybe it doesn’t steer as well as you remember it, but doggon, you let the top down and take her out for a spin. It’s good, not as good as you remember, but maybe that’s because you just haven’t driven in a while, or maybe it’s because the gas is old and some of the pep is gone…whatever. (my metaphors are starting to get to me…)
Anyway, now I finally get what all those TV shows and movies are trying to depict when they show the frenzied married couple trying to have quiet sex in-between kids naps, or after the kids are asleep and before one of the parents pass out from exhaustion.
This, my friends, is what men fear most. That loss of excitement and spontaneity. Perhaps women fear it too, I dunno. I obviously can’t speak for them.