There is such a thing as “too much” honesty

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Have you seen the movie “Knocked Up?”  It’s about a successful career woman who meets this “loser-ish” guy in a bar, and thanks to, what else, a bit too much to drink, ends up in the sack and pregnant. The subplot in the movie, is the knocked-up lady’s sister and her husband who are married with kids and who seem to have this love-hate relationship. 

 

The movie itself was pretty funny for me, mostly thanks to some absurd situational stuff, and not necessarily the plot, but what I found the most interesting was the sub-plot. If you’ve not watched it, you should. If you have seen it—and you’re a guy–then you’ll no doubt notice that there’s some real truth there. Or at least I did.

 

The husband in this train wreck of a marriage is your everyday guy. He works full time, comes home and plays with the kids. It looks like he gives his wife plenty of time to go off and do “her thing” and in return, we don’t see him doing anything outside the home on his own officially. What we do see him doing, is lying to his wife about his job. He’s in the music industry and he often runs off in the evening to go “see a band” when in reality, he’s doing guy stuff, like seeing a movie by himself, or hanging with his buds playing fantasy football. When his wife finds out, thinking that rather he’s having an affair, she goes ballistic and kicks him out of the house. 

 

In a frank conversation with the loser of the movie, he says of marriage, “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”

Wow! How’s that for honestly? Now, in my situation, I would remove the word “Marriage” and replace it with “parenting.”  I think the meaning is the same and it explains the way I’ve been feeling lately. CareerMom and I had/have a great “marriage,” but right now, there’s not much marriage going on and mostly just a whole lotta parenting.

But you need the backstory to really understand…

After the umpteenth night of my cooking an amazing dinner (good music, candles, different meals for each of the boys to keep them happy) MLE (my little extrovert) started screaming and whining again for no apparent reason. Exasperated, I confessed to CareerMom that “I hate weekends.” To which she replied, “What? You hate your kids?”

I’m not sure how she equated “weekends” with “kids”, but I suspect it has something to do with her acknowledging the fact that ALL WE FRIGGIN DO on the weekends, is entertain the kids. CareerMom is apparently incapable of letting them entertain themselves, a point which was punctuated this weekend by MLI (my little introvert) asking numerous times, “What are we going to do now?” So, all we do on the weekend is go from one activity to the next. 

Anyway, I responded to her backwards insult with, “No, I love my kids. But I hate the weekends because they aren’t relaxing, they aren’t fun 80% of the time. All we do is kids kids kids and go go go!”

Now in all fairness to her, she did give me an hour of free time while she took them to get a haircut, during which I prepped for dinner. Oh, and while she took them to the park for an hour, I performed maintenance on our garage doors, which hadn’t been done in 20 years. So, I guess I did get some “me” time, but it certainly didn’t fall into the “relaxing” part. 

I just keep hoping that sometime soon it’ll get easier. I WANT to enjoy my kids, in fact I do really enjoy time with my oldest. It’s just that whiney baby stage that I can’t endure much longer. 

Please tell me it gets easier. Please tell me that at some point, I’ll actually have a marriage again. Otherwise, I don’t know what I’m going to do next!

 

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6 thoughts on “There is such a thing as “too much” honesty

    Bikini said:
    March 3, 2008 at 11:29 am

    It does, actually, get easier. Sure, weekends are hectic when you’re used to grown-up conversation/needs during the week, but when the kids hit the stage when they are a little more self-sufficient it is easier (for Bloomer, she will play by herself for up to 15 minutes, and Boxer will do so for 30 minutes or so). Not enough time to get a massage, but it’s a nice break from the ever-present demands of preschoolers.

    trishatruly said:
    March 3, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    If I had it to do over, I would definitely spend more energy on finding a weekend sitter that I trusted (at any cost!) so that at least a couple times a month the hubster and I could be just a couple of married folk rather than so-and-so’s mom and dad. Believe me, it’s worth any price to insure that when your kids grow up and move away you still have a viable relationship with your spouse.
    And maybe you can each allot some time for the other each week to go do “me” stuff alone or with a friend. Whatever.. you need to do this. Life is short. Very short. Make every day count.

    Just my humble opinion…..

    David said:
    March 3, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    Sorry, I have to disagree (to a degree) here…

    (Now keep in mind that I have FIVE of ’em)… Mine are 19, 12, 10, 7 and 3. I have found that the ages of about 7-18 can be even worse…. Why? Well, in addition to trying to keep up with them on the weekends there have been many weekday activities (Scouts, Sports, Homework, larger school projects, etc) that they did not have so much when they were younger.

    I hate to sound all “the glass is half empty”, but I have found that the older they get, the more work it has become. (Execpt the 19 year old. He now wants to do EVERYTHING by himself. Including making mistakes!!

    Hang in there Dobeman, it all ebbs and flows. Just when things seem like you cant take it anymore, something happens, and it all clears up – until the next wave hits!

    Hang in there… It’s what being a good dad is all about!

    Little Buddies Daycare said:
    March 4, 2008 at 2:46 pm

    Our kids are little still (3 and 5 1/2) and my husband and I find time in the evenings after they go to bed for the night. They are both early to bed early to rise kids so they are in bed by 7 and 7:30pm but up by 6am at the latest.
    We will share some wine or a movie or even wait to have dinner on a friday night. We also access local family members to take care of them at least one time a month for a date night.
    I fear the teenage years when they can stay up late so I will need to to to make sure they are not getting into trouble.
    Rose

    Allison said:
    March 5, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    I can’t say from personal experience if things will get better because our child is only 2-1/2 years old. I can empathize with the frustration of whining though. I have been known to say “I hate suppertime” because of the whining that occurs…then I experience extreme guilt because I work during the day…so I need to enjoy the time I do have with her. I can say that having a few trusted babysitters is absolutely essential to our marital satisfaction. Just one dinner out every other weekend…I’m not even talking about a movie…is completely refreshing. We can have a relaxed conversation where we’re not meeting the needs of a little id or saying a sentence like, “Take your finger out of your nose.”

    AtHomeDaddy said:
    March 6, 2008 at 9:23 am

    Yeah, some of our friends don’t understand why we don’t have the kids in weekend and evening activities like dance and sports. But that couple of hours I can usually steal on Saturdays for a nice long walk with a big ol’ stinky cigar is good for me.

    OK the cigar might not be GOOD for me, but…

    And I dread the kiddos getting older because of the things David shared.

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