Have you seen the movie “Knocked Up?” It’s about a successful career woman who meets this “loser-ish” guy in a bar, and thanks to, what else, a bit too much to drink, ends up in the sack and pregnant. The subplot in the movie, is the knocked-up lady’s sister and her husband who are married with kids and who seem to have this love-hate relationship.
The movie itself was pretty funny for me, mostly thanks to some absurd situational stuff, and not necessarily the plot, but what I found the most interesting was the sub-plot. If you’ve not watched it, you should. If you have seen it—and you’re a guy–then you’ll no doubt notice that there’s some real truth there. Or at least I did.
The husband in this train wreck of a marriage is your everyday guy. He works full time, comes home and plays with the kids. It looks like he gives his wife plenty of time to go off and do “her thing” and in return, we don’t see him doing anything outside the home on his own officially. What we do see him doing, is lying to his wife about his job. He’s in the music industry and he often runs off in the evening to go “see a band” when in reality, he’s doing guy stuff, like seeing a movie by himself, or hanging with his buds playing fantasy football. When his wife finds out, thinking that rather he’s having an affair, she goes ballistic and kicks him out of the house.
In a frank conversation with the loser of the movie, he says of marriage, “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”
Wow! How’s that for honestly? Now, in my situation, I would remove the word “Marriage” and replace it with “parenting.” I think the meaning is the same and it explains the way I’ve been feeling lately. CareerMom and I had/have a great “marriage,” but right now, there’s not much marriage going on and mostly just a whole lotta parenting.
But you need the backstory to really understand…
After the umpteenth night of my cooking an amazing dinner (good music, candles, different meals for each of the boys to keep them happy) MLE (my little extrovert) started screaming and whining again for no apparent reason. Exasperated, I confessed to CareerMom that “I hate weekends.” To which she replied, “What? You hate your kids?”
I’m not sure how she equated “weekends” with “kids”, but I suspect it has something to do with her acknowledging the fact that ALL WE FRIGGIN DO on the weekends, is entertain the kids. CareerMom is apparently incapable of letting them entertain themselves, a point which was punctuated this weekend by MLI (my little introvert) asking numerous times, “What are we going to do now?” So, all we do on the weekend is go from one activity to the next.
Anyway, I responded to her backwards insult with, “No, I love my kids. But I hate the weekends because they aren’t relaxing, they aren’t fun 80% of the time. All we do is kids kids kids and go go go!”
Now in all fairness to her, she did give me an hour of free time while she took them to get a haircut, during which I prepped for dinner. Oh, and while she took them to the park for an hour, I performed maintenance on our garage doors, which hadn’t been done in 20 years. So, I guess I did get some “me” time, but it certainly didn’t fall into the “relaxing” part.
I just keep hoping that sometime soon it’ll get easier. I WANT to enjoy my kids, in fact I do really enjoy time with my oldest. It’s just that whiney baby stage that I can’t endure much longer.
Please tell me it gets easier. Please tell me that at some point, I’ll actually have a marriage again. Otherwise, I don’t know what I’m going to do next!