I had a very vivid dream last night, or it might have all happened during the 35 minutes I was oversleeping because someone, probably under 4 feet tall, messed with my alarm clock and turned the volume all the way down. Or, the vividness might be due to a lack of oxygen reaching my brain-inducing a kind of euphoria-all thanks to my sinuses being completely blocked up because of this cold that MLI passed onto me.
At any rate, the gist of the dream was that a new lady boss took over at my company and she sat each of us down after presumably researching our background and recommended some books for each of us to read. I think the idea here was to take each person’s strengths and weaknesses and better them through these books. Sitting around the table, I noticed that each of my co-workers stack of books consisted of about 4-5 items, ranging across all subject matters; but in front of me was only one book entitled: Putting a Square Peg in a Round Hole.
And it was a children’s book!
The new ladyboss didn’t say anything either way about why I should read it, just that I should. When I got up this morning, I thought perhaps this was someone telling me to go do something that might ultimately guide me to my “true calling” but I can’t find a children’s book titled that on the Internet, although there is the expected book similarly titled for self helpers looking for assistance with learning disabilities. Nope, not me.
So anyway, this has led me to think that perhaps it’s not the book that’s important, but rather the message. Perhaps there’s something in my life that I’m trying to do, but shouldn’t? Maybe I’m trying to be someone I’m not?
Let’s see, I AM trying to expand my current job responsibilities into a different area, but I really don’t think it’s a stretch of my talents to move into this new area. Perhaps I subconsciously have doubts though.
Maybe this stems from the quick talk I had with CareerMom this weekend about her not letting the kids play by themselves, after she had confided to me how horrible she felt that one morning last week she told MLI to “Go away, I don’t want to see you right now,” simply because he was bugging her while she was fixing her hair. I told her that I felt that she doesn’t let them play by themselves enough-in effect not giving them time to develop their own creativity and not giving herself enough time to relax away from them. But, I must admit that in my mind, I was thinking, “I never would have thought the mother of my children would say that to my kids.”
So maybe that’s it. It DID get me thinking about my own relationship with my kids and how sometimes I feel like I’m totally faking this “enjoying being a parent” thing. That whole conversation disturbed me a bit and it’s true that I can’t get it out of my mind.
I don’t know, there’s a lot of “iffy” things going on right now, which probably fed into this little dream sequence. But if anyone out there is a dream interpreter, feel free to weigh in here. Were it not so expensive, I’d love to have about 3-4 sessions with a therapist, just to hash some of my feelings out loud. I don’t think I need “help” per-se, but I would enjoy a good discussion with someone who wasn’t emotionally involved. It’s a thought.