What I did last night

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  Warning: Sexually Explicit Discussion Ahead!

As I was showering today, I looked down to the little soap/shampoo rack thingy on the floor and noticed a, um, wrapper of sorts underneath; no doubt left over from a recent attempt at relations diversity in our big tiled shower area.

Let me stop for a moment here and just say that shower-sex, is probably one of the most overrated, and over-romantized things in movies and literature. I mean, unless both people are about the same height, or she weighs almost nothing and he’s an adonnis of epic proportions, the chances of the two people not slipping and hurting themselves while trying to have shower sex is slim to none! Well, there’s one sure-fire alternative, but it’s not terribly romantic…

Anyway, back to the wrapper…I thought that, for reasons other than just esthetic, I should probably retrieve said wrapper and throw it away lest maybe CareerMom comes home from NY and thinks, “Hey, what’s THAT doing here?” and comes looking for me holding one of my very sharp chef’s knives.

And then I thought, “Nah. She knows that with these kids, there’s NO WAY I have time for an affair.”

There, it’s that simple. In one fell swoop, nature has devised a way for women to go away and do stuff and for their man to be faithful. It’s called KIDS!

Oh sure, there’s always the daytime when the kids are being cared for at daycare, but most guys are working. So in the evening when the man would normally have idle time (idle hands are the devil’s work), nature puts kids in his hands and the problem is solved. With my kids, I couldn’t even get off a harmless flirt with a cute waitress if I wanted to. The second I’d turn my eye, something would get hurled towards an unsuspecting diner, or something else would be hungrily shoved into MLE’s mouth where nothing short of a pair of pliers will retrieve it.

Nossir, it’s the perfect Gotcha! And just to be mischevious, I’m gonna leave that wrapper there until she comes back and reaches down for her uber-expensive conditioning rinse and I’ll see just how long it sits there before she either tosses it with nary a word, or goes question-fishing for what I did while she was gone.

This could be fun! (or there could be blood involved). Could go both ways really.

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3 thoughts on “What I did last night

    trishatruly said:
    March 17, 2008 at 11:26 pm

    hee hee hee……. let us know what the outcome is: bloody battle or simply fun banter?

    Allison said:
    March 18, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    You might have something there….take a dog for a walk and the opposite-sex will flock to you….take a screaming, object-hurling kids for a walk and, well, and you will most definitely experience quite the opposite reaction.

    There is a transition period with babies though too. I think that once they stop just lying there looking cute, and start being able to express themselves…that’s when they cease being useful as babe-magnets.

    trishatruly said:
    March 19, 2008 at 12:57 am

    WTF? Everyone is talking about walking dogs all of a sudden! Was there a memo I missed?

    Oh my…….

    Hey, YOU started it with your three bottles of wine. My my, I bet that was QUITE the headache the next day!

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