Here we go again…

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image Crap. CRap. CRAp. CRAP!

Those seven little words every father dreads have been uttered in my home. No…not, “I’m pregnant again. How did this happen?”

That’s so…four months ago.

No, these seven little words are, “I’d like to go to the beach.”

CRAAAAAAAAAP!

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I grew up in Mobile, AL. People from there don’t go on vacations. Despite what you see in movies and on television, you’ll rarely EVER see a true southerner in Paris, acting a-fool. No, when I was a kid, rather than going to Disney or traveling out west, we went to North Carolina to visit my dad’s family instead; and about every other summer, we’d drive a whole hour, and spend a few days in a two-bedroom condo on the beach, with my mom’s side of the family–namely, her sisters and their kids–all girls. The dads were smart enough to stay far, far away from the estrogen wave, and so each summer, rather than coming with us, they would conveniently have important work things that required their attention and only drove over once or twice during the evenings to take part in the beer and boiled scrimps. That meant me, and about 10 women of various ages and bitchiness, were all stuck in one condo together. Me–one male–all alone.
I have many memories of those days, but I think what most starkly punctuates my feelings on the subject of beach vacations is the memory of one summer at the condo, space was at such a premium that I had to sleep on the deck in a lounge chair at night. To this day, I can’t stand the feel of dried, salty humidity on my skin.

Yeah, I LUV me some beach vacation! Good times…

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As an adult, there’s nothing fun-sounding about a beach vacation. Well, it does sound fun–I mean, what isn’t fun about lounging around on the beach sipping a cold beer and watching scantily clad, oiled up young women carelessly bask in the summer rays?

I’ll tell ya what’s not fun about it…

What’s NOT fun about it is that there is no lounging. There is no relaxation. From the moment you start frantically packing the car, and all throughout the 7-hour car trip filled with whining toddlers and antsy 5-year olds, and all the while actually at the beach where you spend time alternating between rinsing the sand out of the baby’s crack and dealing with sleep-schedule screwed up toddlers, it’s not fun. It’s not a vacation. It’s hell. And you actually pay money for it! You want to take a vacation? For the same money, hire a nanny for a few days and let me disappear into the basement!

And why the heck a woman who is going to be six-months pregnant when we go (oh yes, it’s a done deal now!), wants to go to the beach where her self-consciousness is going to plague her the entire time, is beyond me.

But I can’t say this to her. Perhaps she knows that I’m feeling a tad guilty over my “baby reaction” and she figures it’s time to strike while the iron is hot. I dunno… So, yesterday I called my Aunt down in Orange Beach and asked her to check availability for late May (before the rates go up). Rather than the beach-beach, we’re going to stay at a condo on the bay. I figure…a little less stress on everyone right? It has a “lazy river” and a marina–all in all, more to actually do once you’ve had your fill of sun and sand-swept wind.

I’m going to do my absolute very best to be positive about this. I mean, this year is our 10-year Anniversary and I was planning a nice “out of town” trip for just the two of us. Well…that ain’t happening now that we’ll have a 3-month old on our hands, so this trip is really the only vacation we’re taking the whole year.  I can’t be a scrooge and not make it happen.

It’s just too bad that booze makes me gain weight…otherwise I could have a REALLY good time.

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7 thoughts on “Here we go again…

    Dana said:
    April 8, 2009 at 8:53 am

    Drink Vodka. It’s the preferred alcohol when trying to lose weight.
    I, having lived down south all my life, have never been a beach person. My son has been once in his short life, but next week we are packing up and heading over. We got a condo were we will be staying for this family excursion. Keep your fingers crossed that something good comes of this. My son is excited and so are the others who will be going with us. I am glad to be getting away for a few days. Let’s just hope it doesn’t rain and we end up cooped up inside this place.

    Good luck on your trip!

      dobeman said:
      April 8, 2009 at 9:23 am

      RE: True. Zero carbs, but then it makes me crave other things that I shouldn’t have…esp. while on vacation. Makes me 😦
      Good luck though! You only have one child and hopefully you’ll have plenty of folks to offer to give you a break.
      Have fun. Where are you staying?

    Eric said:
    April 8, 2009 at 10:56 am

    Atleast you get to have a summer vacay! I know it can be stressful.. I mean it is easy for me to say b/c I am used to going on vacation with my wife and all we do is drink… and well “enjoy” each other’s company…

    My view is a bit skewed..
    But…
    I won’t be going anywhere this year until September…

    ugh..
    I may try and get away for a long weekend somewhere… somehow..
    oh how I miss vacations…

    I’m jealous..

    birdpress said:
    April 8, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    Well, I’m not jealous. I can’t think of a worse place to spend a vacation than at the beach. I always figured I was the only one to feel that way until I met Josh. I’m so glad we agree on stuff like that. I hope it turns out to be better than you expect though! I bet you will have fun anyway. 😉

    Surfer Jay said:
    April 10, 2009 at 2:27 am

    So thats why My wifes dad sits in the hotel room and drinks beer 24/7 and watches racing every annual family vacation.

    Dude, I allready got a few tatstews of vacations with babys…. and I don’t neccesarily like what I’ve seen so far. So good luck.

    Hey, you can still somewhat function while high, as opposed to being drunk. Might make wiping the sand out of the babys cracks a little funnier anyway.

      dobeman said:
      April 10, 2009 at 6:54 am

      RE: Now you know Jay! Don’t be hatin’! In a few years, you may be joining him!

    Romi said:
    April 12, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    “That meant me, and about 10 women of various ages and bitchiness, were all stuck in one condo together”…..

    ….hahahaha….oh no! I can see why you have an aversion to the beach, and I agree with Dana, load up on vodka, it’s my poison of choice as well 😉

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